Posted in life

22 years on this earth. What have I learnt?

It was the year 1999. My mum was 19 and pregnant with her third child. On the 25th May she gave birth to me. Three days before her 20th birthday. Now 22 years later and we’re here!

What a life it has been! There’s we so many ups and so many downs but I finally made it to 22. When I look back on my life so far it seems a bit lackluster. When I was 8 I thought I’d own my own house, have a kid and be engaged/married by the time I was 22. But no. Here I am still living with my dad, no kids and certainly no marriage. It crazy how much you expect out of life at such a young age.

It has been a challenging two decades but I’m still here so that’s got to count for something right? In all seriousness though I’m proud of myself. When mum died I thought my life was over. I didn’t know what to do with myself but to be thriving 11 years later is such an accomplishment. My teen years were rough and I was a little shit but I guess it paid off in the end.

I’ve never really been one for birthday celebrations. I don’t like the attention and it makes me feel a bit awkward. Going to a restaurant and the whole staff start clapping and singing happy birthday to you is my anxiety’s worst nightmare (I’m looking at you TGI Fridays) like please just give us the free dessert and leave. I cant handle the embarrassment and everyone looking at you.

One of my most memorable birthdays was when my mum and auntie took me to Disneyland: Paris when I was 5. I got kitted out with a mickey hoodie and a Cinderella suitcase ( I still use it to this day) We had a meal with all the characters and we went on so many rides. It one of my fondest memories. We went on some sort of ghost train and I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my entire life. It was awful. I’m so thankful my mum saved up all that money to take us on that trip. I think its really important you make a few core memories with your kids that they’ll remember forever.

I wrote myself a list at 13 of what I wanted to have accomplished by the age of 25. It was:

  • see one direction in concert more than once
  • get a degree in a subject I loved
  • get a dog
  • move out

So far two out of the 5 things on my list I currently have 2. I’m working on the others. I’ve still got three years yet so it doesn’t seem too difficult. I didn’t have high aspirations as a kid if you cant tell. I just wanted to make my family happy.

If I spoke to my 13 year old self I think she’d probably think I was a weirdo. All I wanted to do at that age was fit in but now I couldn’t care less. The biggest life lesson I’ve probably learnt is that other people really don’t care what you do. Growing up I did everything in my power to try and impress people, to seek some validation. Now I’ve learnt to have confidence in myself and not care what people, who I don’t even know, think. Growing up on the internet was a weird thing. I think a lot of my insecurities growing up stemmed from being online and seeing what other people were doing. Now I’m very focused on myself and my goals rather than comparing my life to someone on the internet.

I am genuinely proud of myself though and everything i have accomplished. At serval points in my life I’ve not wanted to even be on this earth never mind getting to the point where I’m happy and enjoying life. Its such a weird feeling. So here’s to me and my 22 years on this earth. If its one thing I’ve learnt its not to take life for granted and don’t take life to seriously. Have fun 🙂

Author:

trying to make it through life x

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